Seven Questions

All sex facts / Health

Pain during sex is common, and never something to accept

Three quarters of women experience it. Most causes are treatable.

Pain during sex is common, and never something to accept

Roughly three in four women report pain during intercourse at some point in their lives, and for around 10 to 20 per cent it is persistent. The common causes are specific and identifiable: insufficient arousal, low oestrogen after menopause or while breastfeeding, infections, endometriosis, and vaginismus — an involuntary muscular reflex, not a decision.

Almost all of them respond to treatment. The reason so many go untreated is that persistent pain is widely assumed to be normal, so it is not mentioned; surveys find the average delay between onset and raising it with a clinician runs to years.

Sources

ACOG Practice Bulletin (2017); Mitchell et al., The Lancet (2013)

Related facts

The pelvic floor is a muscle, and it responds to training

The evidence is strong, and the timescale is longer than people expect.

The vagina cleans itself, and washing it causes the problem

Douching raises the risk of exactly the infection it is meant to prevent.

Silicone lubricant destroys silicone toys

The single most expensive thing people learn by ruining something.
The sex-toy guide

A shop has two hundred of them. One of them is right for you.

Seven questions: who it is for, what sounds appealing, how quiet it has to be, what it may cost. Out comes one type — with what to look for, what it costs, and what nobody prints on the box.

  • Sixteen types, from a bullet vibrator to a blindfold
  • No brands, no shop, nothing for sale here
  • Two minutes, and nothing is saved
Start the seven questions For the two of you

Find out what you both want — without either of you saying it first.

You each answer twenty questions on your own, and neither of you ever sees the other’s answers. Only what you both said yes or maybe to comes back. A no and a maybe look identical from outside, so saying no costs nothing — which is what makes the answers honest.

  • Six sets of twenty questions — three by depth, three by subject
  • An evening you can actually plan, built from what you agreed on
  • No account, no names, and it deletes itself after a few days
Open Let’s talk about sex

General information, not medical advice. Anything persistent or painful belongs with a doctor, who has heard it before.