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All sex facts / The numbers

Restraint is as common among men as among women

2,021 adults, one list of questions, and the gap is not where it is assumed to be.

Restraint is as common among men as among women

A nationally representative survey of 2,021 American adults put the same list of sexual behaviours to both sexes. For tying a partner up or being tied up, 21.1 per cent of men and 20.6 per cent of women reported having done it — a difference small enough to be no difference at all.

Spanking came out the same way: 31.9 per cent of men and 34.1 per cent of women. The picture of restraint as something one sex does and the other submits to is not in the measurements. It is in the marketing.

Related facts

Nearly a quarter of men have tried receiving anal play

The same survey asked both sexes. The men’s answer is the one that surprises.

A third have tried it, and the number has doubled

One of the fastest-changing figures in sex research.

Almost everybody fantasises, and about much the same things

4,175 people were asked in detail. The categories are few.

The sex-toy guide

A shop has two hundred of them. One of them is right for you.

Seven questions: who it is for, what sounds appealing, how quiet it has to be, what it may cost. Out comes one type — with what to look for, what it costs, and what nobody prints on the box.

Sixteen types, from a bullet vibrator to a blindfold
No brands, no shop, nothing for sale here
Two minutes, and nothing is saved

Start the seven questions For the two of you

Find out what you both want — without either of you saying it first.

You each answer twenty questions on your own, and neither of you ever sees the other’s answers. Only what you both said yes or maybe to comes back. A no and a maybe look identical from outside, so saying no costs nothing — which is what makes the answers honest.

Six sets of twenty questions — three by depth, three by subject
An evening you can actually plan, built from what you agreed on
No account, no names, and it deletes itself after a few days

Open Let’s talk about sex

General information, not medical advice. Anything persistent or painful belongs with a doctor, who has heard it before.