The numbers
Everybody has a private estimate of what everyone else is up to, and almost everybody's is wrong in the same direction. These are the prevalence figures from studies that used real samples rather than whoever answered a magazine survey — which is most of the reason the numbers are lower, and stranger, than expected.
97%
Almost everybody fantasises, and about much the same things
4,175 people were asked in detail. The categories are few.
21%
One in five has tried an open arrangement
Far more than swinging, and far more than most people assume.
54×/year
About once a week, and falling
26,620 adults over four decades. The line goes down.
53%
Half of women have used a vibrator, and so have many men
The first nationally representative count found it was ordinary.
20%
Infidelity is common, and lower than everybody guesses
Around one in five married men, and one in eight married women.
36%
A third have tried it, and the number has doubled
One of the fastest-changing figures in sex research.Browse by shelf
A shop has two hundred of them. One of them is right for you.
Seven questions: who it is for, what sounds appealing, how quiet it has to be, what it may cost. Out comes one type — with what to look for, what it costs, and what nobody prints on the box.
- Sixteen types, from a bullet vibrator to a blindfold
- No brands, no shop, nothing for sale here
- Two minutes, and nothing is saved
Find out what you both want — without either of you saying it first.
You each answer twenty questions on your own, and neither of you ever sees the other’s answers. Only what you both said yes or maybe to comes back. A no and a maybe look identical from outside, so saying no costs nothing — which is what makes the answers honest.
- Six sets of twenty questions — three by depth, three by subject
- An evening you can actually plan, built from what you agreed on
- No account, no names, and it deletes itself after a few days
General information, not medical advice. Anything persistent or painful belongs with a doctor, who has heard it before.